The Pug Guru
The Pug Guru sees all
The Pug Guru knows all
As you are no doubt aware, for a meager dasvandh – a tithe, a mere 10% of your gross income – the Pug Guru, a canine incarnation of the Eternal Wonder – offers you the priceless gift of his personal assistance on the rocky and dangerous pathway, ascending the Mountain of Enlightenment. With his guidance you will not stumble, you will not fall and with his protection, you will save yourself from many lifetimes of pain and suffering.
And yet, dear seeker, there are even more burdens that the Pug Guru is willing to carry for you.
Pug Guru Narration TEXT
NOTE: This is intended as satire and it really needs the hammy speaking-dog animation + Tsvetomir Hristov’s wonderful, generic, Indian music from the video to work:
Think on this:
Pizza is bad for me,
But I would chow down on a Pepperoni, Bacon & Mushroom with Extra Cheesy crust
if it were to help your KARMA
Pug Guru: A Very Brief Introduction To Mysticism In The west
The allure of mystic knowledge from the exotic East held great temptation to the well-heeled in the West for about a century, roughly from the 1880s to the 1980s, with a dip between the two world wars and then growing exponentially from 1967, as a result of The Beatles’ brief infatuation (2.25) with the Maharishi and his Transcendental Meditation movement. For the next 15 years, Eastern mysticism grew rapidly in the West, most visibly with the fundamentalist Hare Krishnas and then the Rajneesh Orange people. Both organizations spluttered, near fatally in the 1980s after the deaths of their respective leaders, shamefully plagued with scandal and correctly attacked by the press.
Since that time, essentially paralleling the rise of the Reagan & Thatcher Conservatism, the search for Inner Truth has mostly split into two very separate, though overlapping, strands:
- the altruistic, vaguely Buddhist/New Age/Eco/Gaia movement &
- the self-help Slimming/Health/Narcissism/Instagram movement
With the economic reality of so many Western jobs being relocated to the East, Indian telemarketers irritating everyone and the present traumas emanating from the Middle East, it would appear that nothing from the East – other than, perhaps, K-pop, (3.23) [worth going FULL SCREEN] – holds much allure in the West, these days.
Pug Guru: A Marketing Exercise
Nevertheless, I thought it might be time to bring some of the old smoke’n’mirrors mysticism, particularly if my guru had a high likability factor, like a pug dog. Personally, I don’t particularly go for their “Please love me” smashed-face look and I actually find their snuffling quite disturbing but there’s no doubt that people find their quasi-human faces adorable. By the way, pugs have a genuine Eastern history, apparently, first appearing in the Chinese court in 700 BC.
Photographer: Matt Wiebe
So, slyly eluding to the deplorable failures of the Hare Krishnas (rampant child abuse & rape) & the Rajneesh Orange people (infecting members of the US public with salmonella), I decided to make my guru – even though he’s a dog – a bit less godly and a lot more human, by giving him a very obvious failing…
…one that a large percentage of people could relate to…
…and which they would forgive both him and themselves for indulging in.
Everybody loves pizza!
Photographer: Matt Wiebe
You can’t blame anyone, even a guru, for having a weakness for pizza!
Next, I researched America’s favorite pizza toppings from several online lists and had Pug Guru choose, pretty much, 4 of the 6 most popular. The idea was to position Pug Guru as having the same tastes, ergo weaknesses, as many of the America’s Pizza addicts.
So, will my devious planning and laser-sharp market research make Pug Guru a 21st Century phenomenon?
We shall see!
FYI: Dogs In Religion